I shared my feelings in an email to several of our lists yesterday. Funny, the only negative responses I got were from men. This one was typical:
“Yes! You are a Sap!! Now don’t send me your crying a** s**t anymore!!!” (asterisks added)
Of course, we only email people who subscribe themselves to our lists. And this fella was subscribed to one of our “Warrior” lists, so he was probably wanting to get emails that made him feel more… well… manly! LOL
Ok, this leads me to a great point. There is, especially in the West, a blind spot for many of us guys… and it’s not just guys as many women share this.
It’s a relationship to emotions, specifically tearful emotions as weakness. To make this association (even if just subconsciously) is to deny yourself access to one of mankind’s greatest powers.
There are, to be certain, many displays of emotion that are evidence of weakness. The child throwing a tempertantrum, because he can’t get his way, for example, is a prime example. The child, exaggerating his situation, as if he is a helpless victim who deserves our pity is… well, pitiful.
When adults display tears and emotions in this way, it is by our cultural standards, quite pitiful even shameful.
We usually learn that such displays of tears are seen as weak, so we learn to convert our feelings of inferiority, victimization and weakness to anger and agression–without the tears.
You can see this in non-tearful tempertantrums of the teenager… as well as in the adult teenagers, as often displayed by the angry macho male type.
Now, of course, anger can be a useful emotion. But it’s interesting how displays of such non-tearful tempertantrums are often viewed as acceptable responses to circumstance, while tearful, poor-me responses are not.
In many cultures, rallying in the streets in fits of rage, is not only acceptable but something to be proud of. I can’t help but wonder, what our world would be like, if such displays of anger were viewed by the majority of “alpha males” as pathetic, weak reactions. Yet, many of our most visible “alpha male” types in sports, politics, Hollywood, religion, etc. commonly display such pitiful, weak responses in life… which elicit the respect (or fear) from many of their peers and those who emulate them.
(I believe there will come a day when we come to see any such “positionary” reactions to circumstance as weak and shameful… and we’ll see humanity elevate ourselves to
much higher standards of behavior and interaction. To what I’d call visionary standards.)
Personally, I’d be very embarrassed if I reacted to life’s situations the way many macho male types do. For most of them, there simply is no visible third alternative. It’s either be a wuss or take control and force your view, your will, your position on others.
I’d feel like a reactionary wuss if I wrote someone the kind of tempertantrum-type email I got from the fella who sent the email quoted above.
From the world of the positionary, there just don’t seem to be many real ways to access power other than forcing your position on others.
Let’s look specifically at how the macho male type can access more genuine power.
At intense levels, feelings such as sadness, love, joy and honor all produce tears in humans. What these three emotions share is a deep connection to values–to what things mean to you. Your son is born and you feel such immense joy that tears come to your eyes. Your son dies and you feel such immense sadness that tears come to your eyes. Any time you get present enough to how much your son means to you–how much you love him–there will be tears.
The more we cut off access to our feelings (for example, to avoid a display of tears), the more we cut off access to our power.
Think for example of the person at the funeral who is weeping at the loss of his son , who has never really gotten present to how much his son means to him,… until he was gone forever. What a tragedy. Had he gotten present to his intense love for his son, while his son was alive, he would have done and said many things differently. This power to make different choices and take different actions was unavailable though, because the man did not want to feel his feelings.
A man may love his wife, yet the less present he gets to the feeling of love, the less he will act and speak in a way that honors the value of that relationship.
Here’s where honor, the feeling, comes in.
Love and honor are almost indistinguishable, and often felt at the same time. Love arises from being present to what someone (or something) means to you–feeling deeply connected to and valuing someone (or something).
Honor is a deeper cut at love. It has to do with not just getting very present to a value and it’s worth to you; but getting present with your choice to honor that value in the face of challenge. Honor can also be felt as you see others in this light.
Honor is an incredibly powerful emotion. It’s a uniquely human phenomena, because it requires a level of self-consciousness not possible to animals. It’s what’s at the root of the range of heroic actions we see in the world that we refer to as the “human spirit.” What inspires a person to face incredible criticism and even risk to his/her own life? Most often, it’s a feeling that is born from getting present to what is worth standing for. It’s a uniquely human emotion called honor. And it’s far different than pride or happiness.
The feeling of honor is literally a “force” of consciousness that can be accessed at will. In our new product called, Visionary Mind, honor is one of the two natural forces of consciousness that are practically cut off from us as we grow up. The other is vision.
Visionary Mind explains both of these forces in some detail and shows how these natural forces of self-guidance are short-circuited through our relationships with authority growing up. It also shows how that conditioning still guides us today in our moment to moment choices through VisionForce’s proprietary Inner Conflict Diagrams and models. Then, Visionary Mind gives you simple exercises that give you the powerful experience of both honor and vision. You come to experience these as guiding forces in your day to day life, and watch the new actions you take. You simply show up in a heroic way in relation to what is most important to you in life. (If you haven’t gotten that program, get it shipped to your door today.)
Love can have you do great things. Add honor to the equation and you’ll do much greater things–naturally.
Mr. macho is cut off from these heroic dynamics and is guided much more by positionary dynamics such as fear and pseudo-pride. He can, for example, feel good about himself by making himself look somehow superior to another. Pseudo-pride is a poor substitute for genuine honor.
It’s an honor-yielding vision that drives a Gandhi or MLK to make the impossible happen. It’s an honor-yielding vision that drives many great inventors, entrepreneurs, and social innovators. It’s the feeling of honor that often has parents make incredible sacrifices for their children–without experiencing it as a compromise.
The shift from a positionary mind to a visionary mind is what I see is next (and Now!) for human beings. It’s a fundamental shift in the way we relate to ourselves, our values, our responsibility and each other. And it’s what we’re all about here at VisionForce.com.
The “alpha male” of the future will be an inspired visionary, not a macho positionary.
Women, are more likely, as I see it, to be making this shift first, as they tend to have more access to feeling their emotions and thus feeling the powerful emotion of honor.
Here’s a video from one woman’s experience of vision and honor.
Who will lead the way? Women? Men? Does it matter? What about you? Who will lead your family, your community? Post comments below.
To get the complete Visionary Mind home study program shipped to your door, go here.
